Zombie Bite First Aid

You’ve been bitten by a zombie??? I can help with that!!

Since the article about tactical medical treatment was well received, I thought I should continue in that same area. Penetrating wounds can be very ugly, but one of the ugliest wounds a person can receive is a bite from a zombie.  Zombie mouths are very unclean, and these bites almost always result in secondary infection.  Treating the initial wound is pretty straightforward.  This type of first aid is covered in the most basic kits, even the ten dollar “Band-Aid and Aspirin” kits available at the big box stores.  We’ll cover primary and secondary treatments in this article.

Primary Treatment:

Bite wounds can be pretty minor all the way to serious injuries.  Luckily, humans don’t have really sharp teeth or long canines.  It takes a lot of force to break the skin.  Typically the result is bruising more than cutting or tearing.  For bruising, simply wash the affected area with soap and water and administer a pain reliever for pain.  You can also apply ice to reduce pain and swelling.  Remember, you never want to apply ice directly to the skin.  If there is some bleeding or torn skin, the area will still need to be washed well with a good anti-bacterial soap and water.  Once the area is cleaned thoroughly and dried, you can proceed with basic first aid.  A simple bandage should do nicely to keep the wound covered.

 

Secondary Treatment:

The good news about these types of injuries is that they most often occur on hands and/or limbs.  The likelihood of the actual bite being fatal is pretty slim.  The bad news is the potential for infection.  Bites from humans or animals are nasty enough, but if that bite is from a zombie, the resulting infection is bad news.  If you are treating a victim for a zombie bite and the skin has been broken, your victim is almost certainly infected.  The incubation period is 12 to 24 hours.  After this time, your victim is technically deceased, but is probably still moving, moaning, and trying to violently bite you.  At this point, treatment involves destroying the victim’s brain.  Firearms work best, and I prefer .40 caliber handguns and .30 caliber rifles.  Use what works best for you.

 

 

*Disclaimer: While the section on primary treatment of bite wound is sound advice, the secondary treatment is written for comic purposes.  I do not condone shooting anyone in the head.  However, if the person really has become the walking dead, please handle the situation as you deem necessary. And please let me know as soon as possible so I can bug out to an undisclosed location away from population centers.